How To Overcome Porn Addiction
To me, porn is a drug. If you want to overcome porn addiction, this will help you and take the right steps to get rid of it once and for all.
In her Ted talk Maria Ahlin mentioned Alex, who was only was six years old when he first stumbled upon porn. And the images were so strong he struggled with porn addiction ever since.
Even at the age of 19 he was not able to quit porn. Just like other men you join the No-Fap movement, he had “sober periods with relapses”.
Over time he needed more and more aggressive porn to experience the same kick.
It hurts to say buy our society, and our attitudes are constantly being shaped by porn.
It sets the standard for our sexuality, our relationships, our attitudes before we even have a chance to explore these fantastic things for ourselves.
Mara’s favorite sitcom of all times as friends if you do not know that one and I think you should, it’s the very popular American TV show about six friends living in New York City.
In one of the episodes, the two characters Joey and Chandler had by mistake access to a porn channel on cable TV.
They were so happy they did everything in their power to keep that TV on.
That made here think. “What was it about porn back then?”
Why did Joey and Chandler want to keep their TV showing porn on as long as possible?
Why Porn Addiction Is Too Important To Neglect
Porn addiction is too important to neglect because porn is the number one teacher on sex education.
If we want to overcome porn addiction, it’s only fair that we ask ourselves, what curriculum does this teacher use?
In 2012, Natalie Purcell, who’s a Ph.D. in sociology from the University of California, did a content analysis, where she looked at over 100 of the roughly 250 most popular and best selling porn movies.
She found aggressive, abusive, and Coercive Acts in almost every single movie.
The analysis also showed how porn ever since the 70s has become increasingly more aggressive and humiliating.
And by the end of the 2010 acts like ATM, gagging, double penetration and even choking were included in almost every single movie.
Now ATM is not the money machine, it’s an act called “ass to mouth”.
And gagging is an act where the penis goes so far down the throat that your gag reflexes will start to kick in.
But if you are reading this article on “How to overcome porn addiction” you probably already know that.
It wasn’t until the 2000s when these acts were heavily introduced in mainstream porn 20 years before that; it was basically unheard of.
Another interesting study this one going back to us early as 2005 by Ana Bridges and Associates looked at a random sample of 50 out of the 275 Best Selling most rented us porn movies from the time of December 2004 to June 2005.
Out of these 50 movies, they randomly selected 304 scenes and analyzed them.
Violence In Porn Movies
And here’s what they found.
About nine out of 10 scenes contained physical aggression.
Now, physical aggression was defined primarily as gagging, slapping and even hair pulling among other things.
Also, about five out of 10 seem to contain verbal aggression, which then primarily was defined as name-calling, were the most common names that were used were a bitch and slut.
Most of the people that were exposed to this aggression were women.
And what was their typical response to this aggression?
Almost everyone reacted either positive or neutral, rarely negative.
Porn vs. Real Life
Porn Addiction Applied to Everyday Life.
In her TEDx talk, Mara applied this to everyday life.
She compared giving you a gentle stroke on the cheek vs. a slap. In one case you would probably smile in the other case you would be really angry.
In porn, the typical response to aggression is precisely the opposite of what you would otherwise expect in real life.
In real life, you will be mad at someone for slapping you but in porn. Either you remain neutral, or you ask for more.
Stop here for a second and consider the message that this is sending.
What pressure, what norms, what standards are created from this?
Especially young people can get confused.
Mara goes on to tell the story of a guy who shared his concerns about his girlfriend.
She never screamed and moaned like they do in porn.
And he thinks: “What am I doing wrong?”
You will not believe what happens next:
He thought: Maybe he should try to strangle her that she will probably enjoy.
People like Mara or me have thought about the effects of internet addiction, social media addiction for years.
I’ve read post on Reddit and the noFap community who compulsively consumed pornography regularly, doing everything in their power to quit, often unsuccessfully.
And oftentimes when men aren’t getting the typical porn response from their partner in bed, a lot of them blame themselves for not being able to perform sexually.
More than 50 years of research has shown us what hijacking your brain with super stimuli like porn causes.
Why Porn Addiction Causes Sexually Aggressive Behavior
Research proves a strong link between porn consumption and acting out sexually aggressive.
Even porn that’s non aggressive can have these effects on our attitudes.
Whenever an important person is dehumanized, this change in attitudes happens.
Not all, of course, who consume pornography will go out and sexually assault someone.
But the fact remains that for an alarming amount of sex offenders, porn was a triggering factor, leading them to be less sensitive to sexual aggression.
Porn Addiction Is Not Rocket Science
This is not rocket science.
This is basic human psychology.
What was going on that made Chandler and Joey so eager to keep the TV on?
Neuroscientists have found that pornography hijacks the reward pathway in the brain and can become a compulsive behavior with addictive qualities.
In 2014, Dr. Valerie Voon, and I think this must be stated for the record, she’s a global authority on addiction, and also the leading researcher in the neuroscience department at the University of Cambridge released a long-awaited study.
The study provided groundbreaking results on how viewing porn affects the brain.
And the studies showed how compulsive porn users have real similarities on several levels to those addicted to drugs.
When compulsive users were shown porn, the activity in their brain was much higher, indicating that they were both more triggered by the porn shown to them and that they also experienced a stronger urge for porn.
Why Porn Addicts Don’t Have Greater Sexual Desire
Compulsive users had a more significant wanting for porn, but they still did not have a stronger sexual desire and the liking for it, which is a finding that should debunk the myth that those who are compulsive porn users must be people with a higher sexual desire.
Having a wanting for something but not a liking for it is a finding that fits like a glove with the current definition of addiction.
The facts are starting to pile up. And if you ask me, it’s just a matter of time and research before pornography addiction, just like gaming addiction is formally acknowledged.
But until then, we have to continue listening to those who are brave enough to share their stories with us just like Hunter Otis did in my interview on the FindFocus Podcast.
We have unlimited access to physically verbally aggressive material 24/7, which has an impact on our brains, attitudes, relationships, sexuality, intimacy, leading to addiction.
The Effects of Technology & Internet Addiction
Right now, most people don’t recognize the effect of technology on our brains.
It’s time for a critical discussion about internet and porn addiction, in schools, in workplaces, in locker rooms and at home.
What to Do Against Porn Addiction
Just like we disrupted the idea that smoking was just a harmless and a social thing to do.
And just like we’re teaching critical thinking about media and advertisement, we are going to disrupt old ideas and beliefs about these technology addictions and start teaching critical thinking about it.
Education and conversation create awareness.
Ideally, we are going to equip the next generation with the mindset that won’t make them easy targets.
If I look at the current political landscape, I’m not very hopeful.
I would love to see more critical thinking.
People who quit Facebook and other social media sites report that they are feeling much better than before.
To me, this is what it’s all about.
Evolution and progress for humanity.
Unfortunately, this will not happen on a global scale. When I read Seneca’s “The Shortness of Life,” he complained about the same problems we face today.
Humanity, as a whole, will not change.
But you can.
If you need more help, make sure you read my article on how to overcome internet addiction.
